so explain again why im purple
no
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
