I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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