Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
