So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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