He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
