ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
