Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
