If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
