But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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