We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
