I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am puke
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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