Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
