Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
