TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
