I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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