So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
