Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
