Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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