I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
