??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
