HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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