Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
