Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
