and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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