She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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