I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
