Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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