Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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