you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
