went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just had sex bonerless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
