i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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