There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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