I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
