i jhust puked up my retainher.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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