the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
