She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize