It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
