She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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