I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
