OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
