Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
