drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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