I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He shit in the fireplace
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
