well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize