I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize