4 words: hood of his car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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