I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
