i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
