Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
