I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
