Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
