I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
