my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize