lets start a swedish sibling band together
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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