I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
