Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
