I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize