I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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