Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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