All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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