This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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