Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
