Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
