You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
