why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
