i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
