woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize