I wish my penis had an off switch
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
