i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
