I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
