I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
