I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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